This part of my journey is often the one that is the hardest to put into words, however it's the part that I know may be the most helpful for people who are reading this.
I have an Eating Disorder. I have been Anorexic since the age of 15. I am happy to say that at this time in my life, I am in recovery but I am well aware that it is a constant battle and probably something that will be with me for the rest of my life. I never really talked about my ED because I was ashamed. I didn't want people to know my secret and I didn't want people to judge me. The biggest misconception people have about ED's is that they are about vanity and about looks. That couldn't be further from the truth. ED's typically are about control. For me, I never felt good enough. I was never smart enough, I was never pretty enough, I didn't feel like I had much to offer and I felt like I couldn't control that. So I controlled the one thing that I could....my food intake (or lack thereof). I am a control freak and have a Type A personality to the core- both of which made my disorder worse. I felt alone a lot of the time because I didn't think people would understand what I was going through and I chose not to ask for help. My ED became gravely worse when I was in my 20's. I went to my Family Doctor for my yearly physical and she became very worried for me. Despite my age, she phoned my parents to tell them about my Anorexia and she proceeded to give me an ultimatum- either I agree to see a Psychologist and Nutritionist or I enter an inpatient treatment facility immediately. She told me if I continued the way I was, my life would be in serious danger. I chose the outpatient option... I could write a book about my ED however I am keeping this short and sweet. It is ok to ask for help. It is essential to ask for help. I was lucky enough to have a very supportive family and incredibly supportive boyfriend (who is now my husband) and without them, I don't know where I'd be. Support and commitment is key when treating an ED. I understand what it's like to be so focused on food and consumed with the number on a scale. I also understand what it feels like to want to run away from treatment....but you can't. Your life is at stake and you matter. You are worth it and you deserve to feel better.
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AuthorThis is my way to share my stories with you- so you can get to know me and hopefully find some comfort in what I write. Archives
April 2017
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